You can't special order awesome
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
