Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
