Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
