So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
