omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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