You're completely useless in the revolution.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
jump out the window naked night went bad
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