lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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