yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
