At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
