you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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