I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
as a side note pls kill me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
