I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
