he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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