Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
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