She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize