Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
as a side note pls kill me
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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