There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
