Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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