D3 body, D1 cock
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
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