So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
