Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
