He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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