Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
