Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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