office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
