bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
