the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
this just has baby written all over it
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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