Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
