He had one of those small greek statue penises
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
