I think scott just propositioned me for sex
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
