I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
