so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I need to sanitize my soul.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
