she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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