When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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