I skipped work to stalk him.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
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