I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Randomize
