Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
