Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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