I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
