I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
What drink are we having for lunch?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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