Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
