i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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