Umm I'm too high to move.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
