I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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