2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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