he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
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