Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
