I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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