glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
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