I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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