My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
