wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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