Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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