i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
