If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
