dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Randomize
