He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
