I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
