Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
