We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I got inside last night via doggy door
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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