it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
