God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I wear drunk well.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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